Beautiful Madhouse

Okay so I just had to follow my previous post for laughs.  What makes my job as a mom not so fun? Let me list the not so glamorous chores of a mom to 6.

1. The little munchkins pictured above are my new drinking buddies.  No more getting drunk and sleeping in.  We order milk with our cookies and that’s just about it these days.
2. I wipe 4 shitty butts a day. Yep 4!  The 2 year old twin girls are fully potty trained but I still need to double-check and re-wipe. Lovely.  I’m an ass wiping machine.
3. I don’t sleep.  Hardly ever.  I know I will in the near future but for now I’m a total zombie.
4. I can’t find the time to exercise with 6 moth old twins and 2 year old twins.  Crazy right?  I shouldn’t be so damn lazy.
5. You are on the job 24 hours a day every day.  Breaks are an occasional treat but very rare.
6. You get your nipples bit by teething infants.  It hurts really really bad.  They don’t do it often but when they do it STINKS.
7. You will worry  about your kids safety and well-being 24/7 for the rest of your life.  It keeps me up at night and causes anxiety attacks. Fun.
8. I have to curb my dirty NJ potty mouth.  My daughters were quick to repeat  my favorite swear, “douche bag” quite a few times. Not cute when a 2 year old shouts that at you from across the room.
9. I can’t ever use the bathroom alone.  Not ever.  No matter what one of my kids follows me.  Nothing is sacred.
10. Because no one ever realizes how hard it is until they become a mom.  My single childless friends just don’t get it.  They think I’m eating bon bons and watching Days of Our Lives while hubby brings home the bacon. Yeah I wish.

Being a mom stinks sometimes but it’s worth it.  Every ass wiping minute of it.  I would never go back to my reckless self-indulgent child free days.  My kids are worth all the migraines they have caused.  I’m the luckiest woman in the world.  I mean that.

My inspiration for this piece is because my kids are driving me nuts today and if I list all the reasons I love being a mom instead of killing my kids it will benefit us all.  Sleep deprivation from the infant twins and the two year olds wrestling bouts are wearing me down. So here goes.

1. Beach parties in the wintertime.  Hazel loves to dress up in the craziest outfits and enjoys wearing socks on her hands.  She calls them “glubs” instead of gloves.  The picture above was taken on Christmas Eve.  Loving the sun visor kid.
2. Sweet gummy smiles from my 6 month old boys.  So innocent and genuine.
3. When all of the girls wake up every morning they need to kiss their baby brothers before starting the day.  Even if it’s 5:30am it’s still adorable.
4. I love listening to the sound of my kids snoring safely in their beds.  It will be genuinely hard for me the day all my birdies start leaving the nest.
5. They have me laughing constantly at all the crazy things they say.  I swear Hazel was born cracking jokes right out of the womb.
6. I love shopping with Bella.  Now that she is a teenager we have similar taste in clothes.  Does that mean I need to dress more age appropriate?  No more forever 21?
7. I love the feeling of pride I get when I look at my kids.  Holy crap I made these creatures. Amazing.
8. Birthdays and holidays are always a huge event with a large family.  It makes them even more exciting and special.  Plus I’m working on growing my muffin top with all that Carvel ice cream birthday cake.
9. I love when they say “I love you Mommy.” Melts my heart every time.
10. Wine tastes so much better at the end of the day now that I’m a Mommy.

I’m sure I could keep going but I’ll keep it short and simple today since my little trolls are misbehaving.  Maybe I will do a follow up post on the reasons why I don’t always love being a Mom.  Treasure every moment even the bad ones.

(Me at 38 weeks pregnant in June 2011.)

That’s an understatement.  This year was the most eventful year of my entire life.  It started with my close friend’s home birth of her son Skye.  It was a really amazing way to start 2011.  So filled with hope and new beginnings.  I watched my dear friend become a mother and it was beautiful.  I may have been a little extra connected considering I was pregnant with my twin boys and hormones were running high.  My husband Dan found out in January of 2011 that he would be having 2 sons after 4 daughters.  I know that news made his year.  We bought a new home  in April which was very exciting and very stressful. Moving pregnant is not so much fun. Dan worked his ass off and got the house ready to move into in a month. It was definitely a year of new beginnings.  We downsized unexpectedly this year as well.  Our cat Louie Balls went berserk on the kids and attacked 2 year old twins Birdie and Hazel for no reason.  I knew that with two more babes on the way that he may be happier in a kid-free home.  I thank our friend Jessie for taking him in and loving the shit out of him.  The cat is happy as can be and our kids are not afraid of  him latching onto their faces and making them bleed. Perfect solution.  We also lost my chubby English Bulldog Maggie on Thanksgiving day.  Poor girl was just old and reached her expiration date.  Still coming to terms with this huge loss to our family.  We made up for the downsizing by having my new twin boys, Rocco and Luke in July.  I spent most of this year either pregnant or with newborn babies.  I was able to have a beautiful home birth and welcomed them into the world peacefully.  I am the luckiest woman in the world.  My sister Rachel had her own joy this October and married her boyfriend Chase.  They had a beautiful wedding in Rhode Island.  We were all able to attend. I was her maid of honor.  I mean the matron of honor.  My new family of 8 was there to support and witness their union.  Yet another new beginning.  This holiday season brought us many blessings as well.  We were able to spend quality time with friends and family.  Dan’s mother and Aunt got to meet the new boys for the first time.  It was nice to have their company and much appreciated help.  Dan cooked an amazing dinner on Christmas and we had a great day shared with family and friends.  This year had a lot of crappy things occur as well but I can’t let those things/people bring me or my family down.  It’s the negative people and energy that makes me appreciate all the good friends I have.  You know who you are my lovelies. I’m extremely grateful for all that I have this year.  2011 was full of amazing gifts.  I am now hoping I can start 2012 with yet another beautiful birth of a friend’s identical twins.  They are expected within the next few weeks.  It will be such a great way to start the new year.  I’m not sure if 2012 can top 2011 but starting it out with witnessing the birth of twins sure makes me think that it might.  I hope everyone has an amazing year to come.  Appreciate your gifts.  Try to rise above negative energy and people who try to suck your life force.  Cheers to new beginnings!

WOW.  I found this picture the other day and it brought back my raver days.  Oh the early 90′s in NYC.  Yes, I was a raver.  Not a candy raver but a raver none the less.  At one point I had my lip, septum, tongue, nipples, and other parts of my body pierced.  I wore a leather choker around my neck.  I rocked large skater jeans.  I wore Polo shirts and oversized sweaters.  I lived in my shell toe Adidas.  I’m sure I looked like a clown most of the time. This photo is of me and my Best Friend Erica about to head over to a weekly party at the Roxy.  We would got to a punk show around 8/9pm and when that was done we would head to a rave.  All night dance parties where DJ’s would spin techno into the morning hours.  It all began when my friend Ian moved to suburban Pompton Lakes, NJ.  Ian had bleached blonde hair and wore sun visors with oversized jeans and Polos.  He loved the same punk music that Erica and I had been listening to. We worked at the same skateboarding shop in the mall.  He told us that he promoted parties in NYC and  after a seeing a band play one night we decided to go.  Erica’s older sister had an apartment near Union Square and she always let us stay with her.  The next few years were a blur of parties that we all traveled to like packs of suburban rats.  It was fun.  It was my high school youth gone wild days.  I pray that my kids keep their wits about them in what ever trend they decide to follow.  I turned out okay but had a few friends in this scene overdose and die.  As a teenager this was very eye-opening.  We are not invincible.  My step-daughter is about to turn 16.  This is about the time the picture above was taken. She’s a beautiful smart girl who I hope makes the right choices to stay safe. It makes me a little scared of what’s to come with my other 5 kids.  What challenges, trends, issues will I get to face with them in their teenage years.  Terrible twos and teenagers. What a mix.  Rave on Erica. xoxo

How did I end up with 6 kids??? It’s crazy.  I didn’t even really like kids.  I told my mother that she would have to depend on my siblings if she ever wanted grandchildren.  I then said, “Why would I want a bunch of snotty nosed brats?”  My mother looked to the sky and said “She’s only kidding God.”  The thing is I wasn’t.  I had no real desire to get married or have kids. I’m sure it stemmed from my parents ugly divorce.  When I started dating Dan I had no idea that he would soon become my husband and the father of my children.  I had a great time with him and he was an amazing single dad.  It definitely was an attractive quality.  He adored his daughter Bella.  My friend Shannon called him hot dad.  When we first started dating seriously we had a conversation about kids.  He had a daughter already and was content with just 1 kid.  I told him that I was okay with no kids for the time being but at some point in the future I might change my mind.  Dan said we would cross that bridge when we come to it.  Well that bridge needed to be crossed after a year of dating because I was pregnant with Mia.  Majority of my friends were pretty shocked that I was having a baby.  I’m sure I would have been voted least likely to have kids by my peers.  But there I was pregnant and really excited about the was my life was going to change.  Pregnancy was pretty easy for me.  I consider myself very lucky.  Mia changed me for the better in so many ways.  I learned what it meant to be a mother and it was amazing.  I fell deeper in love with Dan and we got married when Mia was 2.  Having babies was the hardest and most rewarding thing I’ve ever done in my life.  I wanted to do it again after Mia was a little over 2 years old.  We planned another baby and got twins. So the tally thus far was my step-daughter Isabella (kid #1), Miss Mia (kid #2), and twinsies Birdie (kid #3) & Hazel (kid #4).  Our family was complete.  Dan and his house filled with girls.  I assumed it was just in the cards for him to only have daughters.  We settled into our life and found a groove.  I became a birth doula very soon after the twins were born.  I was able to experience birth from a different angle.  It was beautiful.  I was in love with the entire process.  This was a far cry from my days of not wanting any kids.  I made a complete 360.  I’m not sure who I had become but I was really beginning to like this whole mother thing.  I attended births in hospitals, birthing centers, and people’s homes.  I was around pregnant women constantly.  I knew that I wasn’t finished having babies.  Dan sure was.  He was not willing to try and end up with twins again.  It’s as if he already knew his fate.  Welcome Luke (kid #5) and Rocco (kid #6).  Thank goodness they were boys because I think Dan would have ended up in the loony bin with all of our girl power.  I secretly hoped for more girls but I am so glad I get to experience having sons.  Its different and I’m loving it.  I’m excited to raise respectful and empathetic children.  So the grand total is 6.  You should see the looks on people’s faces when I start listing all my kids.  Some smile and say I’m blessed. Some drop their jaws and say things like “You poor thing you must want to kill yourself.” Wow. Really? Some woman said “EWWW gross!” when I told her I was having a second set of twins. Gross? Huh?  Most people I know that live in NYC have 1 or 2 kids.  There are a few people I know that have 3 at the most.  When you say 6 people tend to say some pretty messed up things and gawk at you.  Well gawk away people.  I love my 6 kids and wouldn’t change it for the world.  This is a very far cry from my kid hating single days.  Funny how life and a half dozen kids change you.

My boobs are always out.  They are more often out than in these days.  My new twin boys nurse constantly.  If you want to hang out with me you cannot be uncomfortable with me whipping out my boobs.  If you are, TOUGH. Don’t hang out with me then.  I try to be as discreet as possible but occasionally a nipple might peek out at you.  I’m just feeding my kid(s).  I’ve gotten pretty good at multitasking while nursing.  I saw a friend (male) that I hadn’t seen in a while and he gave me a huge hug while I was nursing one of my babies.  Neither him or his girlfriend standing behind him realized my boobs were out.  I had a blanket over Luke’s head. Hah.  I laugh just thinking about it.  I’ve hiked a mountain in the Adirondacks with Mia latched onto my boob.  Nursing can also be a heated topic among new moms.  I honestly don’t care how anyone else feeds their kid.  I hate the judgement.  It comes from both sides amazingly.  I EBF (exclusively breast-fed) my boys for 4 months.  Now at almost 6 months, I CONFESS, I give them formula sometimes.  Rocky was having some issues gaining weight.  My long green bean baby was 97th percentile for height and 2nd for weight. I could not produce any extra milk because I was nursing around the clock.  So I tried using a hyper lactating friend’s extra breast milk but she was already donating to another family with bigger supply issues than mine.  I felt bad asking her for 6 oz a day.  FYI, they have milk banks if anyone wants to go that route.  I wasn’t comfortable getting milk from a stranger.  A friend yes, a stranger no. Again to each their own. No judgement.  I’ve had people ask me in the grocery store if I breastfeed?  Why the heck do they care?  Would they judge me if I said no?  Geez.  It’s nuts how anyone thinks it’s their business.  Formula feeding or breast-feeding its your choice.  Of course breast is best but what if it doesn’t work out like you had hoped?  Should you be judged?  I feel like whatever route you choose you should be supported and respected.  I am lucky that the issues I’ve had with nursing were minimal and I have no guilt with my boys getting an occasional bottle of poison…I mean formula.  I  EBF Mia for 18 months, twins Birdie & Hazel nursed for 18 months & had formula occasionally, and I hope to nurse twins Rocco and Luke for 18 months as well.  I know many babies that were exclusively formula fed and are healthy and intelligent. I hate anyone that tries to make these moms feel bad for their decision to formula feed.  Anyone too far to the left or the right bothers me.  So if you have a problem with my boobs and nursing, TOUGH.  If you have a problem with my kid getting a bottle of formula, TOUGH.  So there.

Okay, I lied. I was going to post this monthly but I got a few more photos and was inspired to feature more of my amazing Mommy friends right away.  These are ladies inspire me and encourage me to be a better mom. Thanks ladies.

This is the gorgeous Diane and her sweet little flower child Audrey (5yrs).  Somehow Diane manages to juggle being a photographer, a hottie wife, a Supermom, and a PTA Vice President.  I’m exhausted even listing all the things my dear friend manages to do in a day.  You are truly amazing Diane.  Audrey is by far the most creative dresser I know.  She summons Mick Jagger, Axel Rose, and Stevie Nicks.  You are my style icon Audrey. She gets it from her Mommy.  Here’s a link to her sites. www.dianevasilphotography.com and www.captureddaydreams.com Check them out she’s crazy talented.

This is my lovely friend Carolyn and her little bean Eloise.  Carolyn brought me mountain climbing for the first and only time a few years back.  Little did I know I was pregnant with my first set of twins at the time.  I’m looking forward to our next lesson when and if we ever have the time.  We got to be pregnancy buddies this year and our babies were born 1 month apart.  It’s going to be really nice to raise our kids together.  Carolyn is intelligent, beautiful, and sarcastic. She’s a triple threat. It’s no wonder why I adore her.  Eloise is wearing a top by petit bateau.

Beautiful Shannon and I were friends pre-baby days. Many nights of cocktails and fun at Beauty Bar.  She told me she was pregnant and literally days later I found out I was too.  We delivered our babies in the same birthing center, in the same room, just 4 days apart.  She was my pregnancy twin.  My daughter Mia and Shannon’s daughter Gigi (5yrs) have been buddies from day 1.  Shannon is a very loving and passionate person.  It serves her well in her work as a photographer.  You can check out her work at www.shannonsinclair.com  She’s also a total stunner. Just saying.

Gigi is wearing sweater by Ralph Lauren, pants/shirt/headband BabyGap & belt 77kids

So this is it for now.  I am hoping to do this again when I receive some more pictures from friends. Please e-mail me your submissions at doulabliss@gmail.com.

I was going to title this post MILF but I decided to make it a little more PG.  I want to share with you all my awesome mommy friends and their sweet kids.  I will try to make mention what brands of clothing the kids have on if I know because I’m always on the hunt for cute kids gear.  I will be doing these posts monthly featuring a handful of my lovely and talented friends.  If you would like to nominate or submit a mommy  please feel free to email me  a photo doulabliss@gmail.com  Enjoy!

This is my friend Sarah and her handsome little boy Leo. She lights up the room with her beautiful smile.  We actually met through our hairdresser Maria at Self Saloon.  I had the pleasure of being Sarah’s doula for the birth of this amazing little guy.  I love to seeing how fast these little peanuts grow.  His outfit is adorable.

Hat- Tane Organics(Pomme)
Jacket- Zara Kids
Sweater- H&M Kids
Leggings- Gap Kids
The most perfect grey socks- unknown from Sweet William
Booties- Boumy(the mini social)

This is my  friend Jenn mother of 2, pictured with her oldest daughter Maeve.  She’s another Brooklyn Mom.  I’ve spent many a day at the park chasing my kids with Jenn.  My daughter Mia is in the same kindergarten class with her daughter Maeve and absolutely adores her.  I also adore Jenn.  So calm and collected.  She could teach me a thing or two.

Sweatshirt- Alice+Olivia
Dress- Olive juice

This is Yulady.  She rules.  She is pictured here with 3 of her kids Ashlee 12, Holden 5, and Wyatt 3.  She has 3 more step-kids.  So yes that’s 6 total.  A woman after my own heart.  I met Yulady at a yoga teacher training at Strala in NYC. She resides in NJ.  I was impressed by her rock hard body and the fact that she has 6 kids and loves it.  So inspiring.  You go momma!  She shops at Century 21 for all the kids clothes.

Last but certainly not least is Gina with her son Xavior Sage.  I also had the great pleasure of being Gina’s doula very early on in my doula career.   I recall Gina insisting on parallel parking her car while in the throes of  labor.  She’s a rock star. Thanks for letting me be apart of such a beautiful birth.  Xavior is wearing thrifted threads.  Love his holiday sweater. Too cute.

Until my next batch of awesome mommies…….

Oh sweet sweet sleep I miss you.  It’s been a good long couple of years.  I can’t wait for a solid stretch of at least 4 hours.  As a parent I find this to be the greatest challenge by far.  I feel like I went out on an all night party bender but didn’t get to leave the house or partake in recreational drugs.  Everyone will tell you what worked for them and experts make money on books that reveal the secret answer to getting your little ones to sleep.  It is also a hot topic among parents.  Some say that letting your child CIO (Cry It Out) is cruel and psychologically damaging.  Others tend to every night-time whimper and believe that parenting doesn’t stop just because it’s the middle of the night.  Honestly I’m not to sure where I stand in all of this because I have 5 kids, 5 and under.  I don’t think my friend who practices attachment parenting with her single child can understand or give me advice nor do I think my mother who dealt with child sleep issues 30 years ago is a good source of information. Sorry Mom.  Tribeca Pediatrics suggests sleep training at 2 months of age now.  You put them to bed around 7 pm and don’t come back until 7 am.  Just shut the door and don’t go back in until morning.  Not my thing.  To each their own though really.  I hate when parents judge one another for their choices in parenting.  Like it’s anyones business.  No one I know has two sets of twins and a five-year old.  So keep your sleep advice and judgement to yourself unless I ask.  My first-born Miss Mia was a decent sleeper.  It was probably because we were co-sleeping until she was 18 months old.  I didn’t know what sleep deprivation was.  I snuggled with her in the mornings and didn’t get out of bed most days until 10 am.  That is a very distant memory.  I put her in her crib at 18 months old with very little protest from her.  I’m pretty sure I let her cry, whine, and fuss for a few days but she became a decent sleeper.  Not great but decent. I’ll take that.  Then I had my first set of twins.  Holy crap was I in for a shock.  Those girls hated to sleep.  My husband and I each had a baby sleeping on our chest for the first 4 months of their lives.  I felt like I was going to snap.  Dan and I argued constantly.  We were both on edge.  Then around 8/9 months I started to let them fuss a bit.  I guess I did a combo of The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley and Marc Weissbluth’sHealthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins.  Again, no book has the magic solution but I did a hybrid of a bunch of different suggestions from each book.  I also just followed my gut as a mother.  They started to sleep better eventually.  I was sleeping through the night along with them around 12 months I think.  Then soon after this success I became pregnant with ANOTHER set of twins.  Good bye sweet sweet sleep.  Thank goodness my girls all sleep fairly well now unless the occasional nightmare or illness gets tossed in the mix.  My twin boys are now 5 months old and really don’t care for sleep all that much.  I’m tired but was very well aware of what I was in for this time.  The shock wasn’t there.  I accepted my fate of zombie parenting for the next year.  My boy Rocco is a pretty good sleeper.  Wakes up 1x maybe 2x a night.  Luke on the other hand is a boob junkie.  He can’t get enough.  I nurse them to sleep.  I did that with all my kids.  It works so why change it.  I never saw it as a crutch that prevented them from learning to self soothe. But Luke will wake 2-3X a night.  The other night I woke up to him crying after just being up with him an hour before and I said in my sleepy state “He’s the bane of my existence!”  Dan yelled at me and said not to say such things.  I can’t help being dramatic sometimes. I never mean it.  It just makes me feel better to let out some steam. Luke’s usually not even hungry just looking for soothing.  I know that this will eventually become easier and we will all sleep again. I might even miss our 3 am rocking and nursing parties.  Have you ever met a teenager that doesn’t like to sleep?  My dear childhood friend just brought home her 3 new babies. Yes 3! I’m sure she is wondering WTF did I get myself into?  My empathetic thoughts are headed her way.  Hopefully she know that this sleep deprivation is temporary and will pass quicker than she realizes. So for now I am hugging my coffee cup this morning longing for my pillow.  Soon.  Not soon enough but soon.

Happy Holidaze everyone.  This is a picture of our house in Queens.  Dan got very Clark Griswald this year.  We fit right into the neighborhood this year.  I have completed almost all of my holiday shopping.  No easy task considering I always have at least two of my kids with me at all times.  The 5 month old twins have become my shopping buddies.  I was shopping last week lugging around my double snap and go stroller (I hate this damn stroller), and I lost my cell phone in a department store.  I’m a fool and I didn’t save my photos or videos from my iPhone to my computer.  All of the pictures from the first days of my sons lives.  The video of my twin homebirth was on it.  I started to sweat and had to choke back my tears.  Calm down lady.  So I asked where lost and found was and it was there!!! Thank you karma.  I hope that the person that returned my iPhone is rich in good fortune because I was so happy and relived to have my precious videos and images.  Could you imagine the person that decided to check out my birth video?  I wish I had the guts to post it.  Maybe one day.  I have spent the last few days taking care of our old man dachshund Louie as well.  The pain meds and steroids are really upsetting his belly.  I had to carry him outside to do his business and he sprayed poop all over me while I was carrying him.  Real pretty picture huh? Covered in baby drool and dog poop. Tis the season to be jolly.  It’s also a bit of a challenge to wade through the holiday madness on very little sleep.  For the first time in months the boys slept great last night.  Only waking up at 2 am for a feed.  I’m sure I just jinxed myself.  My close friend just brought home all 3 of her new triplets.  I’m sending her tons of warm wishes and thoughts.  The first few weeks of sleep deprivation with twins were the hardest for me.  I’m sure it’s quite a challenge with 3!  I will definitely follow this post with one on infant sleep. Probably later this week.  The one thing that keeps my holiday spirits lifted is my friends and family.  This year has been filled with some major ups and downs.  I’m not sure what I would have done without my true real honest to god friends (and red wine).  That they are still willing to listen and hang out with me and my half-dozen kids is beyond me.  You guys are what keeps me going.  Many thanks.  The holidays and the approaching new year always get me thinking of the past year and the year to come.  Its been an amazing ride.  Buckle up because I’m sure 2012 will be even bumpier.  Joy to the world!