Beautiful Madhouse

Okay so you’re blissfully pregnant and perhaps unaware of some of the shocking things that may happen to your body.  I’m someone who truly loves being pregnant and feels that it’s a magical experience.  That being said I was blown away at some of the crazy f’ed up things that happened to my body.  I’ve also had friends share some of the shocking changes that left them surprised and not so thrilled about this whole pregnancy thing.

1. Varicose Veins – YUCK! I mean really?  I had no idea that these things could happen on my lady bits.  Twin pregnancies cause you to carry some extra weight putting pressure on the pelvis and restricting blood flow causing these beauties.  Let’s just say it’s like having elephantiasis of the labia.  Are you turned on yet?  Some ladies get these rope like veins on their legs as well.  I am thankful that all has returned to normal downstairs after I delivered my twins.  Thank goodness.

2. Hemorrhoids – I’m not really sure that I have to say much more.  A large percentage of women during their third trimester of pregnancy will get these horribly painful guests.  Some even appear after delivery.  Painful and not so pretty.

3. Stretch Marks – I got some on my boobs during my first pregnancy and my belly was unscathed.  First twin pregnancy I came out with 1!  I was thrilled and still was able to wear a bikini.  Second twin pregnancy tore me up. They were very itchy and sometimes painful. My belly has a good amount of these battle wounds that I’m learning to be proud of.  Good news is that they fade.  My purple zebra stripes are now a light pink at 8 months post partum.  I am looking for a sexy one-piece swimsuit.

4. Acne – Can you say “teenage girl”? Geez.  I had a full on pizza face.  Something about being pregnant with boys made me break out like crazy.  It got much better after delivery. So much for that pregnancy glow that I had while pregnant with my girls.

5. Constipation – Fiber, Fiber, Fiber.  Doesn’t happen with every pregnancy but when it does it’s no fun. Blame those pregnancy hormones for this one.  Sometimes constipation will bring his ugly unwelcome friend the hemorrhoid.

6. Spider Veins – Little purple roadmaps on your legs. Increased blood circulation during pregnancy causes them. I have seen some serious damage to a few good friends from theses unsightly veins.  The good news is that they are harmless and fairly easy to remove these days with laser treatments. Keeping up your vitamin C during pregnancy may help prevent them.  They are hereditary so you may just be shit out of luck.

7. Linea Negra – It’s that dark line that may be running from your navel to your pubic bone. During pregnancy this line darkens and may be caused by the imbalance in hormones. It usually pops up around the 4th or 5th month of pregnancy.  Mine seemed to last forever and has just fully faded.

8. Discolored Vagina – Yep I said it.  Its may look like your vagina just lost a prize-fight. Purple, angry, and bruised looking.  Fear not this usually is cleared up after delivery.

9. My Boobies – During pregnancy they look amazing.  I was surprised how big they actually got.  I finally had some big old fun bag stripper tits.  I’m not going to talk about what happens after nursing twins in this post. Let’s just say pancake milk duds.  Enjoy those boobies while you got em.

10. Charlie Horses – There were some nights that I woke up screaming and clutching my lower leg.  Not too sure what causes them but my husband was convinced it was a potassium deficiency and I ate bananas by the bunches.  It didn’t really help.

That’s my top ten.  I know there are many other shocking things that I haven’t listed but I could go on forever.  Enjoy your pregnancies the best that you can.  Pregnancy is a truly magical and amazing experience even if you are plagued with veins in your crotch.  I actually miss my pregnant body.  I’m also nuts and a true birth/pregnancy addict.

xo

When ever I feel upset, pissed off, angry, confused, or just out of control with negative emotions my kids bring me back down to earth.  Just a little smile or hug from one of my sunshine trolls makes me realize how trivial all the other bullshit is.  I so beyond lucky to have such amazing children and a dedicated, honest, hard-working, and handsome husband.  Thank you my kiddies for putting everything into perspectivce.  You are my world sweet family.

Having a large family with lots of kids is really awesome.  When 5 out of the 6 kids get sick it blows big time.  It’s very far from being awesome.  We are on day 12 of at least one of the kids with a fever.  My kids also tend to run high fevers which can be super scary.  Mia (6 yrs) and Hazel (3 yrs) tend to run the highest at almost 105. We haven’t slept very well these last 12 days.  Someone is always waking up needing to pee, get a drink, or get dosed with more Tylenol.  We lugged them all to our family doctor in midtown Manhattan this week to get strep cultures and check their ears, lungs, etc.  I love my doctor and her entire practice.  If you are looking for a practice in NYC that integrates a holistic approach to the way they practice medicine this might be the place for you.  It’s called The Continuum Center for Health and Healing. Our doc always suggests that our kids take a daily probiotic and rarely pushes antibiotics unless they really seem necessary.  I appreciate and respect their approach.  The staff is always so nice and accommodating.  We are a bit of a circus act when we are out in public and the staff always helps with the juggling of kids and/or babies.  It’s definitely important to like your care providers.  I’ve stressed this before in a previous post about liking your care provider during pregnancy, well the same thing applies to the care of your little ones.  I am so happy that most of the kids are now on the mend.  The weather has been spectacular and I’ve been stuck inside way too long.  I still can’t believe I made all these kids and that they all get sick at once.  I remember when I had my first baby how hard I thought it was when she got sick.  Little did I know then that was cake compared to running my own wing in a hospital sick ward.  Geez. I’m one tired momma.  Here’s to health and a sick free home.

Holy crap it’s been 3 years already? I can’t even begin to wrap my head around it. Happy birthday to my darling terrors.  I love you ladies more than words can describe.  You two have me constantly cracking up.  A few days ago Hazel decided to wipe Birdie’s shitty bum for her. She ended up getting poop all over the bathroom and Birdie’s back.  I just wonder whose idea it was to have Hazel wipe Bird’s butt.  Ahh the twin bond certainly is special.  They fight like crazy and hug like crazy.  I can’t believe how different they are from one another its shocking that they are even twins.  It makes them even more unique.  Girls you have taught me patience and to love even deeper than I thought humanly possible.  I love you my birthday wonder twins. xo

I guess it takes one to know one.  I’m a total nerd and now my children are total goofball nerds.  Mia the 6-year-old has my dance moves which some of you may know are amazingly nerdy.  Think running man with a little cabbage patch if I’m feeling really wild.  My husband can do the worm like a champ.  His signature move might be the sprinkler. To those of you that have seen him dance know that he is the triple threat…actor, singer, and dancer (according to him).  These traits have been gifted to my troop of nerds.  Hazel (twin B 3yrs) almost always has a pair of underwear on her head and no pants on.  Things are a bit backwards in our house.  I’m always laughing though which is honestly the best medicine. Here’s to nerds everywhere.

Ahh…the newborn.  Your baby (or babies) is finally here.  All those final days of waiting for their grand arrival are all a blur now.  Hormones are raging and you may be experiencing emotions that you’ve never experienced before.  Joy, fear, exhaustion, anxiety, overwhelming love, to name a few.  You may have put lots of thought and energy into the pregnancy and birth but now the primary focus and all your energy lies on the newborn.  Your belly is like a funny jello mound that’s all squishy and strange.  Maybe you don’t want to even touch your belly because of a Cesarean incision.  The glamorous granny panties and all that post partum blood are rarely discussed prior to the birth. Feeding your newborn may come very easily to you or it may be the cause of great frustration and disappointment.  Ask for help.  Contact a lactation consultant. It’s well worth every penny if you plan on breastfeeding.  If formula feeding is the route that you decide is best for your new baby than picking the right brand/type of formula is essential.  Reflux is something that can happen with a formula or breast-fed baby.   You may finally understand what the true meaning of sleep deprivation is.  I was riding on a crazy happy birth high for days after the arrival of my twin boys and barely slept a wink.  I had a constant flow of phone calls and visitors that I really enjoyed and appreciated.  That may not be the case for everyone.  You may want to be left alone to have some private time with your new family member.  Make sure you are very vocal about what you want so you are not left feeling overwhelmed.  Turn off the ringer to your phone and shut out the world for a bit if necessary.  They will wait until the time is right for you.  These first few days with your newborn can be magical or it can be down right awful for some.  Both are normal experiences with having a brand new baby.  Ask for help if needed.  Sometimes it takes a village. This is a period of adjustment for everyone.  Be easy on yourself.  You just gave birth to a new human being.  This is an amazing feat. Congratulations.

I sometimes want to squish the shit out of my kids because of their cuteness.  Damn them for turning my cold black heart into a dripping pile of honey mush.  I treasure these sweet moments because I know they won’t happen again.  My baby boys are both asleep on my chest in one big happy lump.  They are about 3 months old in the picture above.  They are 8 months old now and won’t sit still for a second let alone fall asleep on my chest.  The first few months of a new baby/babies can be really rough.  That’s why I chose to hold on to the moments that make my heart flutter.  I needed to stumble across this photo today because I have been stuck inside for 3 days with sick, cranky, feverish little monsters.  My patience is wearing very thin so this was a great little reminder why I love my kids.  Thanks warm and fuzzy memories of sweetness.  You prevented me from losing my temper on my sick kids.

I sometimes wonder what being a twin is like.  I watch Birdie & Hazel  fight like crazy sometimes.  They know exactly how to piss the other one off royally.  I recently noticed that they are starting to be more affectionate with one another when they are shy.  Birdie will often reach out and grab Hazel’s hand.  I nearly cried the first time I watched them strut down the sidewalk holding hands the entire way to the park.  Is there a magic twin bond?  They would also hold hands when I would nurse them together as infants.  I really hope that they always have a strong connection.  The sweet part is that their older sister Mia is very much included in the group.  The three of them have bonded even more after the birth of their twin brothers.  I also need to make sure Mia (my singleton) doesn’t feel left out being a non-twin.  Knowing that her big sister Bella (my step-daughter) is also a singleton makes her feel a special connection with her.  I also watch my 8 month old twin boys Luke & Rocco interact with one another and can’t help but wonder about the twin connection.  Maybe being a singleton I ‘ll never understand.  I just make twins but don’t know what its like to be one. Maybe they will have magic twin super powers and change the world.  Twin powers unite!!!

My baby is 6 years old today.  Miss Mia I love you so much.  Thanks for being such a sweet spirited little soul.  I’m so lucky to be your Momma.  I still remember my first glance at your beautiful little face.  You have made my life so full of love.  You have learned to be a big sister and a tremendous helper with the new babies.  Keep being the creative, goofy, wonderful, loving, happy little girl that you are. xoxo

Your test says positive or there are two pink lines. Congrats! Now what? If this is your first pregnancy you are either extremely shocked or very happy with your baby making efforts.  Navigating the next steps are quite important on your baby having journey.  What type of pregnancy and birth experience would you like?  Choosing the right care provider makes a world of difference.  Do you want to receive the care of an Obstetrician or a Midwife?  Do you have any underlying conditions that may require you to seek special care?  Depending on the care provider your first appointment will be around the 8-10 week mark.  This is obviously different if you have been receiving fertility assistance and you may need to go in much sooner.  Don’t over google.  Try to relax.  If you have had previous miscarriages this might not be an easy task for very understandable reasons.  An overabundance of stress can play a very negative role in one’s pregnancy if you let it.  I do think that knowledge is power and knowing that you have choices during your pregnancy and birth will benefit you tremendously.  Read a book or better yet read 20!  Know what you want or try really hard to figure it out.  I often have clients that want a particular type of birthing experience and get the complete opposite because of where they decide to give birth.  A hospital with a very high epidural and c-section rate probably isn’t the best place to have your drug-free natural birth.  I agree that the universal goal is for  a healthy baby but what about the birthing experience.  Negative birthing experiences can cause PTSD and anxiety disorders.  It may cause some women to never want another child again because of their negative birthing experience.  A positive birthing experience can be truly magical and make you want to experience childbirth again and again. Not such a good thing in my case. Chuckle chuckle.  The recent birth of my twin boys has made me a bit of a birth junkie.  I will list my top 5 book choices for the newly pregnant mother.  Good luck and congrats.  Now go ahead get educated on the birthing process. Happy birthing.

1. Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin
2. Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth
3. The Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Goer
4. Pregnancy Childbirth and the Newborn by Simkin, Whalley & Keppler
5. The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin