July 26th, 2012 § § permalink
You use the word vagina 10 times in one e-mail.
You love the sweet intoxicating smell of a newborn’s head.
A fun night out consists of chatting about placentas over a few glasses of wine.
Your shoes have the faint odor of amniotic fluid and blood. Yucky but so true.
Your heart skips a beat when you hear your on-call birth ringer (sonar) go off on someone else’s iPhone.
Your milk lets down when you hear a newborn cry in Trader Joes and you stopped nursing many months ago.
You attend a 24+ hour birth and get home wiped but can’t sleep because you are riding on a crazy tweaked out birth high.
You’d like to grab a chunk of vernix and give yourself an age defying facial. Imagine the look on my clients faces if I actually did this at their birth. I missed the opportunity at my own births
You are genuinely sad that you will never give birth again. Call me crazy but I truly enjoyed my last twin birth. I’m still riding on the high and it’s been a year.
You get that same beautiful wave of emotion every time you see a baby being born. Better than any drug on the planet.
July 16th, 2012 § § permalink
1. Babies will eventually sleep. Really they will. Everyone is so quick to give you advice and/or tips on getting your baby to sleep. I had two sets of fucking twins trust me they will sleep. There is no magic trick or sleep training method that will work for every baby. Trust your gut and know that sleep deprivation is only just a phase of this new parenting journey.
2. NYC Playground Mommies can be judgemental catty bitches. It’s a drama filled highschool flashback. I enjoy making new friends and will often strike up a conversation and get the once over twice. Really? WTF? I just wanted to talk to another adult. I thought that by becoming a mommy I joined this sorority of sisterhood created by the bonds of motherhood. I was wrong. I’m a stupid hippie.
3. No one will ever understand having two sets of twins unless they have two sets of twins. Friends and family may get a glimpse of my beautiful madhouse but I’m alone with my husband to really understand the magnitude of this journey.
4. I will never need to buy a new pair of high heels again. EVER. I wear heels 2X a year if I’m lucky. Wearing fuck me pumps and pushing a double stroller looks dumb.
5. I really love being a parent. I was worried that I really got myself into a mess of ass-wiping and wrangling screaming snot nosed kids. Well I did and I’m so lucky and grateful for it. I love being a mom more and more each day. I have sunshine and rainbows shooting out of my ass. yay.
July 13th, 2012 § Comments Off § permalink
1. Not getting your monthly period rules. I might just stay pregnant until menopause so I don’t ever get it again.
2. Babies are really fucking cute. (please ignore the crying, pooping, puking, & no sleeping part)
3. You haven’t really lived until you grow a baby inside your body. It still amazes me that us women are capable of such pure awesomeness.
4. It gives you a free license to eat as much as a whale. I gained 60 pounds with my first pregnancy. Nuff said. Fattie.
5. All that extra belly rubbing/grabbing from complete strangers is a really hot and exciting turn on. Strangers also love to give unsolicited parenting advice which is really sweet as well. (#5 is a totally sarcastic reason. Keep your feelers to yourself you handsy strangers.)
July 3rd, 2012 § § permalink
Holy SHIT!!!! I did it. I survived a year with two sets of twins, a 6-year-old, & a teenager. I can’t believe the hand in life that I was dealt sometimes. I waffle back and forth from feeling like the luckiest lady in the universe to saying “WHY ME????” Being a mom to all these kids has been the hardest most rewarding thing I’ve ever done in my life. I am utterly exhausted. Happy Birthday to my sweet sons who were born peacefully at home in my bed a year ago. I love snails and puppy dog tails.