1. I’ve been covered in poop, pee, and puke so many times that I put GG Allen to shame.

2. I have never once hit any of my children out of anger. Lord knows there are times that I fantasized about slapping their snotty little faces.

3. I have two sets of twins, a singleton, and a teenage step-daughter. I have not been commited to a loony bin…YET. Success!

4. When sickness hits my house it’s no joke. I have a quarantine room where I banish Typhoid Mary until her symptoms subside. It’s usually a full month of sickness and I’m the head nurse on 24 hour shifts.

5. I survive bath and bed time chaos every day. I put 5 kids in the tub and them get them off to bed. If you have kids you know that this shit is no joke.

6. Dinner is like being a guard in a jailhouse cafeteria. Lots of being shanked with forks and fist fights over food. I’ve finally managed to get them to all to sit at the table which was a huge undertaking.

7. I pushed out 5 babies. Nuff said.

8. I breastfed all 5 of my kids and sacrificed having normal looking breasts ever again. Breastfeeding two sets of twins= pancake tits. I’d happily do it all over again 100 Xs. I miss breastfeeding.

9. My laundry piles would make you shudder in fear. Do me a favor and never complain about doing/folding/putting away laundry. We wash clothes for a total of 9 people. I wish a magical little laundry elf lived in my basement.

10. Because all Mommas deserve to be recognized for all the hard work and sacrifice we make every day for our children. I will continue to work my ass off so I can be the best Mommy I can. It’s the best job in the planet but also the most difficult at times. Celebrate your MOM!!! Host your own parade which just means showing your appreciation in any way you can. A parade with floats, flowers, and a marching band sound nice.

Happy 4th Birthday to my beautiful twin girls. Thank you for being my babies. I am one lucky Momma. You girls prepped me well for this whole twin thing. Never thought after having you twin nuggets that I would have another set of twins only 2 short years later. Birdie & Hazel you and your siblings are my world. Love you.

I am not writing this post to start a debate about where the best place to give birth is. Many people have amazing birthing center and hospital births. I’ve had the pleasure of attending many of these births as a doula. Please hire a doula. It makes a world of difference no matter what route you choose to take. I would have 10 doulas at my next birth if my husband would ever agree to another baby. Not Likely! I personally found the best place for ME to give birth was in my home. Looking at these two photos of my first and second set of twins really struck me the other day. The photos were both taken within the first hour of their births. The twin girls were born in the hospital and cried for the  first hour of their life. They got poked and jostled right away after delivery. I did get to nurse them within the first hour so I found that part of my birthing experience successful. The girls were born at 35 weeks and they took them for observation in the nursery. That separation was hard on all of us. I wish I knew that I had more choices during that birth. However, I am so grateful for that experience because it is what inspired me to become a doula. I took a DONA training workshop when the twin girls were less than 6 months old. I  look back to when my boys were born and I don’t remember much crying at all. They never left me for a second and they seemed so peaceful and content. I was also anxiety free though out the entire process. It helped me to have a very intense but pain-free birth. I delivered the twin boys in my bedroom and stayed in that room all day with my new babies and all my other kids splayed across the bed. It was magical. Home Sweet Homebirth.

Hello ladies and gentlemen. Happy New Year! I’ve been inactive for quite a while due to a lot of new and wonderful changes. My last post was back in November. I will work really hard to try to update this blog once a week so stay tuned. So the first bit of news is that I am joining forces with two of my fellow birth doulas (Domino Kirke & Samantha Huggins) to open a storefront space called Carriage House Birth in Williamsburg Brooklyn. We are planning our first Childbirth Ed weekend intensive for January 26th. It’s all very exciting.  I’m also thrilled to announce that we will be showing the amazing art work of Amanda Greavette in February for our opening party at Carriage House Birth. Stay tuned for details.

If you are an expecting Momma/couple in the New York City area and are looking for doula services, childbirth education, lactation support, pre-natal bodywork, etc…stay tuned. Our address is 97 N7th Street Brooklyn, NY 11249. Check out our website that is currently in the process of being completely revamped. wwwcarriagehousedoula.com If you want to contact me directly about doula services or potentially becoming professionally involved in our Carriage House Birth team email me at info@carriagehousedoula.com. I look forward to updating you all soon about the progress and all the exciting things we will be offering to the birthing community.

I went out with a girlfriend the other night sans husbands and it was truly eye-opening. We got hit on. It made me laugh. I honestly feel like whenever someone sees me they see a mother to a shit ton of kids.  I feel like I’m either a doula or a mother so it’s shocking when someone hits on me. If I go out solo it’s usually to meet with my doula clients or to attend a birth. I am very rarely dressed up and out in public at a party or bar without my husband. Often when we go out we go to the restaurant my husband owns. No one would dare hit on me there. The guy that hit on us was harmless, nerdy, short, and extremely polite. A very non-offensive and flattering encounter. I get very uncomfortable and end up rambling on about how I’m happily married and I’m a baby maker etc…I embaress myself often with the baby machine chatter. I guess the point I’m making that its easy to forget that you are a woman on top of all the other hats you may wear. My husband is wonderful about dishing out the compliments but it’s very hard for me to accept them sometimes. I really need to work on that. Keep em coming husband. And thanks nerdy guy for helping me remember that I’m a sexy bitch.

I haven’t posted in a while but after some of the things that have been going on in my city after Hurricane Sandy have me wanting to vent/rant.  It’s crazy how a disaster brings out the best and worst in people. I’ll discuss the worst first. I heard reports of looting on Coney Island.  At first I thought perhaps it was people who were hungry and thirsty.  Then I heard people were looting TV’s and fucking booze.  Really?  People are pulling guns on one another while waiting in line for gas.  The lines for gas are 4 hours long and are clogging all the side streets creating gridlock around the gas stations. People are cursing at one another and getting into fights.  Police officers are having to regulate the lines and keep the peace.  I had an old man yell “FUCK YOU” to me for banging a u-turn on a one way grid locked street. People are siphoning gas from other people’s cars. It’s getting crazy. All of this bullshit is going on while people are without their homes. A woman lost her 2-year-old and her 4-year-old kids in Staten Island due to a storm surge. They found their little bodies yesterday. It’s beyond my comprehension. My heart aches for this woman and her family. I am so grateful that my family is safe. I can’t stop hugging my babies. If I hear one more jerk complain about not having cable my head may pop. People become so detached from whats going on if they are in an area that is unaffected by the hurricane. They get wasted and treat the time off from work as a week-long party. Save your coke money hipsters and invest it in bottled water and warm coats for people who are displaced from the storm. Stop being so selfish and lend a hand to your fellow New Yorkers/Jersey folk.  Donate to the Red Cross. Give blood. Search local drop off spots to donate canned goods and clothing. Do something. My family now lives in Queens and we are a very short drive to the Rockaways. My husband has spent all year surfing the Rockaways. He wants to do something to help. He can’t sit still knowing that his community needs our support. His birthday is tonight and in lieu of gifts he is asking for donations. Our restaurant will serve as a donation drop off spot tonight from 9pm on. My husband is a good man with a huge empathetic heart. This disaster does bring out the good in people as well. I heard of friend’s of mine trekking out to the Rockaways with their BBQ grills to prepare people hot meals. Some other friends decided to skip Halloween trick or treating and head out to Staten island to give out bottled water. I love hearing these stories and hope that more and more people decide to lend a hand. We need your help people!

So some of you may already know that I have become an Auntie. I flew out to California to meet my little nephew Borden. He decided to make an early arrival at 36 weeks. My Mom and I flew out with my 15 month old twin boys. Click here to read that post. This sweet little man is also very lucky because he has my name as his middle name. I will try my hardest to train him to follow his namesake. My brother-in-law and sister might regret this. Hah. I am so touched and honored that he was given my name. Damn tears… Dragging the twin boys across the country was not fun but this photo made it all worth it. My boys met their first cousin. I hope that they become best friends. I think about all my cousins and how close we all are. I consider many of them to be more like my siblings rather than cousins. When we were kids we spent every weekend at their house. All of my childhood memories include my cousins. I can only hope that our kids all have the same connection we did growing up. I love you guys.

I love this time of year when you have a half a dozen kids. They get so excited picking pumpkins and choosing their Halloween costumes. I am a bit of a Debbie downer and don’t ever really dress up. I think I may need to get with the program and change that. I am not too cool for a full on costume even though I may act like it. I tend to get annoyed at all the over zealous Halloween freaks. I’m talking about the ones that spend weeks/months planning and preparing the perfect costume. It’s like dealing with a bridezilla that needs every damn detail to be absolutely perfect for one fucking day. Seems stupid to me. I also may be influenced by a few dates that I went on in my college days with a guy that worked at a year round Halloween store. He loved Halloween in a very obsessive and scary way. The dates quickly stopped once I realized he liked to wear fishnet stockings EVERYDAY underneath his jeans & doc martins. Made me steer clear of Halloween stores for a good while. I am also really bothered that every costume for women in the stores are a whore version of the actual costume. Slutty Spongebob? Really? The way we view women in this society is depressing and needs to change. Thanks goodness I am raising strong empowered women that will run this country one day. Anyway I realize that I am sucking the fun out of the holiday for my not yet so jaded children. In the long run my kids will appreciate a mother who has fun with them and shares in the festivities instead of cheering from the sidelines. Any ideas for a costume?